Everything is Hunky Dory

One of the villages where OH is active in reaching out is Roseti (pronounced something like rose-ette-z). My second night in Romania I attended the teen girls meeting with Amber. Like any youth meeting, we showed up with the junk food and the girls showed up with all the energy. There were about 15 girls  - a range of ages, personalities, and experiences. I was still adjusting - to the time difference, the language barrier and the ministry. Mostly, I hung back and took it all in, depsite not having any clue what was being said. Some things need no translation.

As a fitting book end, my last night in Romania took me back to the girls meeting. At the start, there was clearly something going on but I was completely out of the loop. Girls were talking over top of others and Amber was trying to get things settled down. Initally, I had planned on playing a song at the meeting for the girls, but my cold was getting worse and my voice was like a croaking frog. Instead, Amber offerred to let me speak to them.

Admittedly, I felt inadequate and unsure of what I could talk about at first. God knew. Then I knew... talk about choices. We all make choices constantly, but how are we deciding? What factors do we use? Most of the time it's our own pleasure and comfort in that moment. There are many choices I've made in the past that are affecting me in the present. That is what I hoped to share with the girls.

I'm less comfortable talking than writing. Processing the thoughts in my heart and having them come out my mouth coherently doesn't always go smoothly. Add to that having someone translate, it was a little disjointed but I trust the Spirit impressed upon their hearts as He intended.

On the way home, Amber shared with me that the topic of choices was very appropriate. The something that was going on at the beginning of the meeting had to do with words spoken carelessly and inappropriatly. After I finished speaking, Amber was able to tie it back to what had happened. God knew.

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On Saturday morning, 30 kids descended on the building in Roseti. Even Spanky from the Little Rascals came. In addition to the 5 staff members and I there was another couple, Dave and Deb, from the US helping out. The lesson for this week was the story of Ruth and Naomi and I was responsible for the craft.

The program started with worship. These kids love to sing! Then Deb got up to sing a song with the kids. First her and Elisei taught the kids the chorus in English.

"Rise and Shine and give God the glory, glory..."

Then Deb sang the verses and the kids came in on the chorus. On the last verse she belted out, "That is the end, the end of my story, story. Everything is hunky dory, dory." When she said hunky dory, she said it with an Elvis-like growl. The kids all laughed. So she did the verse again and the kids came in and growled their own HUNKY DORY. It was so funny. The kids weren't done. They wanted to sing the song again in Romanian. Did I mention that these kids love to sing!

 

 

 

Then Sorin shared the story of Ruth and Naomi and how good relationships help us in life. We followed this with the craft. The kids were given a piece of paper with a tree drawn on it and 3 pieces of construction paper to trace their hand. The hands were glued to the tree as the leaves and the names of close friends or family were written on each one to remind us that relationships make us stronger.

One thing I learned (and put to use later) is that the kids are very literal. My craft example had different sized hands on it and the kids were initially confused on how to do that. One kid piped in "I don't have a small hand like that." We had to explain to them they could just use their own hand. What ensued was wonderful chaos. Paper flying. Trying to help the little ones trace and cut. Four and five kids all asking for help with something - most of the time I was clueless to what they were asking me. Somehow we got them all done and a couple of the kids sweetly asked me to add my name to their relationship tree.

My bucket was starting to fill. God Knew.

Why Romania?













I was asked the question over and over again. Even now, I still don't have a very tangible answer. God knew. Here's how I ended up taking a trip to a country I've never been to, by myself, to work and live with people I didn't know, without knowing what I would actually be doing.

Romania is a country I have wanted to visit and experience. Perhaps because of the women's gymnastic team that dominated while I was growing up or the orphan situation, the country has been a fascination. Although I knew very little about it in reality. When the idea came to travel to Europe, the first and only place I looked was Romania.

God opened the door to work with Outstretched Hands for Romania. This ministry is at work to serve the people in impoverished villages of southern Romania. The country's primary religion is Greek Orthodox and a new and different church isn't always warmly welcomed. Yet, God has opened doors in over half a dozen villages for church services and children's programs that are changing lives. I will be highlighting those I was able to experience in the coming days.

After discovering Outstretched Hands, I sent an email to the director and after a few exchanges I had an open invitation to come and serve. I still wasn't convinced if I should go. I put the idea on the back burner and went on a summer vacation in the states. Yet, the idea was still tugging at my heart. Something in me wanted to get away and prove I could do this completely on my own. I had a decision to make quickly.

The question I kept asking myself was "If I don't take this opportunity will I regret it once it's gone?" I've let fear of the unknown keep me from too many things in my life. I had the time, finances, and place to serve. Yes! I would go. Yet for some reason I still hesitated to book my airfare.

One morning I got up and decided to get the ticket before I left for work. Then I got in my car and realized I had forgotten my cell phone in the car the night before. I had a voice message from my mom... something was wrong. For the next several hours and days the trip seemed to be up in the air. God knew. He knew that if I had gotten that message before the plane ticket, I might have missed out and my mom was safely in His hands.

As the trip approached, I was filled with an expectation that God was planning something for me in Romania. Compared to my previous trips, this required so little planning it felt strange. All I had to do was pack a bag and get on the plane. It was a gift in the sense that life here continued to be stressful, frustrating and disappointing. God knew. Getting away came at just the right time.

I was able to collect a suitcase full of items for Outstretched Hands from some very generous people. I think getting everything to fit into that one suitcase was the most stressful part of the trip planning.

 I made it to Romania without any hassle (so thankful!) still with the sense that God was up to something. It wasn't any great moment, or miracle, or revelation. Surprisingly, it was moments of being uncomfortable, disappointed with myself, and emotionally detached that reflected where I've grown and the places that still have a long way to go.

Why Romania?
Maybe to make her smile...

or to be loved on as I loved...

 I may not know why I chose Romania. But God knew.

A Lesson from a Mosquito

It's been a rough year.

Returning home from my vacation marked the anniversary mark of a huge loss in my life. I was ready to start anew and hope with anticipation as to what God has in store for the future. Instead, the last few weeks have been jammed packed with punches to the gut. In the big scheme of things, they really aren't important things at all... no one has gotten sick or died, but emotionally there is grief over the death of hopes and dreams.

Today I was walking in Kenginston, continuing a conversation I've been having with God about my purpose. Honestly, some days it just doesn't feel like I have one. Times I get caught up in looking at the vast emptiness around me and wonder why. Why can't I have this? Why did I make that choice? Why does so-and-so get to have that? Why does it still have to hurt?

I was on a mission and my thoughts were just a running dialogue in the back of my head. I started noticing things... like the red cardinal who landed on a branch right in front of me and then came closer and closer until it was almost right next to me. I just stood there and watched him until he flew away. I noticed a white fuzzy caterpillar crawling on a leaf. And God reminded me... he created me with the same beauty and purpose as he created them.

Seriously, I don't know why these things pop into my brain, but my next thought was I wonder if mosquitoes suffer from low self-esteem? What if they know they aren't liked? Perhaps they feel they have no identity and only exist if they drink in someone? Or are simply trying to get some attention? Then I shake my head at myself for these silly thoughts. Of course mosquitoes don't think about these things! God every so gently whispers, "then neither should you".

And my conversation ends without any answers except to keep walking, keep trusting Him because He created me, He loves me and has purpose for me. I just have to be willing to take the time to notice the little things.

Stupid Sorcery

This morning I read through the Exodus story. As I've been reading through the Bible lately, I keep discovering little things I wasn't aware of or didn't remember. Within this story I realized something that made me chuckle.

Since Pharaoh wasn't about to let the Israelites leave, God has decided to send some plagues on the Egyptians to demonstrate his sovereignty over the earth. The first was turning the water to blood while Pharaoh is out taking a bath. Here's where I raised my eyebrows and thought "Huh?"

Exodus 7:22 But the Egyptians magicians did the same things by their secret arts...

A week later the frogs came up out of the Nile and were all over the place. Strangely I've had a small taste of this. In South Africa we had to keep the door to our hut closed at night to keep out the frogs of all things. Just a few frogs in unexpected places (like a shoe) was enough for us forgo the breeze and keep the door close. So I can only imagine finding frogs in every nook and cranny, including hopping on you while you are trying to sleep. And again we read:

Exodus 8:7 But the magicians did the same things by their secret arts; they also made frogs come up on the land of Egypt.

So... God turns water to blood and so do the magicians. God floods them with frogs and the magicians add even more! The magicians were apparently powerless to reverse either plague, so instead they added to their own misery and boasted about it. How stupid!

Yet, how often are we just as stupid? How often when God is seeking to get our attention do we harden our hearts and add to our own misery?

Then we come to the third plague of gnats and the Word tells us:

Exodus 8:18 But when the magicians tried to produce gnats by their secret arts they could not.

They ran out of their own power. In this case thankfully as I'm sure they didn't need more gnats in the air. It would have been better if instead they had just realized how they were only compounding the problem making their efforts futile. In the end, the surrendered and admitted the work of God in the plagues.

Lesson learned today: Don't try and prove yourself, surrender and ask God to soften the hardened places in your heart.

Melancholy

I have no plan or purpose for this post, I just feel like writing tonight. I'm in that melancholy place where I can experience the emotions I usually can't get to. It's as if there is a steel wall between my intellect and emotions most days, but every now and again the steel wall becomes a fence where these pass through fluidly.

It probably doesn't help that I just finished reading through Ecclesiastes.

“And, at such a time, for a few of us there will always be a tugging at the heart—knowing a precious moment had gone and we not there. We can ask and ask but we can’t have again what once seemed ours for ever—the way things looked, that church alone in the fields, a bed on belfry floor, a remembered voice, a loved face. They’ve gone and you can only wait for the pain to pass. ”
― J.L. Carr
Does anyone else ever feel like they are living in a void? Not in darkness or depression... but thinking, feeling everything from pain to joy... living... but at the end of each day feeling like none of it mattered. Days with no authentic human interaction and no one knows whether it was a good day or a bit of a struggle. A few of those kind of days aren't so bad, but week after week it starts to feel pretty empty.

I guess this is just my way of making a mark somewhere during this season. To remind myself that I really was a part of humanity at this time - that I don't walk the earth as invisible.

Not to be all dreary... God has been a faithful friend. I've become much more aware of His leading and presence, spent more time in His Word reminding myself of who He is and who I am supposed to be. That has been the beautiful amid the sorrow.

Broken hearts and misplaced trust take time to heal. While some are content to settle for a substitute to come along and play in the mud, that isn't what God wants for me. I need to wait (not so easy) until the right wind blows across my life...

This girl was meant to soar!

“Love is not something your heart falls into, but something that picks it up and sets it soaring.”


I feel a bit better now. Off to bed...

Pain Divided = Love Multiplied

As I take in this blessed Easter weekend reflecting on the gift of my salvation and the season of death I am coming out of and emerging into a new beginning, I recalled this post from several years ago. It was written for very different circumstances and yet it is so fitting for right now - these circumstances. While my heart is deeply bruised with overwhelming loss, I was preciously reminded this morning that "a bruised reed He will not break."

I hope perhaps it will be a reminder and comfort to someone else at this time too.

I cannot attest to the increasing heaviness of carrying life within me, or to the weight of eager anticipation. Neither can I remotely imagine coming home empty-handed and deflated in every way imaginable. But I have born the pain of loss. We all do in some way, shape or form. Our hearts grieve what was looked upon with hope yet was left buried in a grave not of our choosing. We are humans after all. Intricately designed to feel, even beyond the extremes we think we are capable of at times.  Sometimes grief throws itself on us like a dark heavy blanket we can't seem to get out from underneath. It feels suffocating and the struggle saps our energy to nothingness. It is a heavy load to carry, this loss. I know it well - back bent, arms sore and legs weak from the long journey. But it was a load I was never meant to carry alone. It isn't a load any of us are meant to carry on our own.

Pain is an interesting thing. When divided it becomes exponentially lighter. Pain divided is love multiplied. This is what Jesus did in his ministry... He came along side those unable to stand up and lifted their head. Why wouldn't we want to love the same way? Your burden gets lighter and somehow mine doesn't get any heavier. It's lightened, too. We stand a little taller. We look up and feel the sun on our faces again instead of only staring at the shadows it casts.

Galatians 6:2  Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (NIV)

Without us, God will still be faithful. But the blessings of being joint carriers are immeasurable. Costly.... Yet eternally priceless.

We feeble humans all have times in our lives when we face the mirror, seeing what mettle we are really made of. It could be anything. It may even come unexpectedly.  The measuring tape comes out and we are so minutely aware that we do not measure up to our own ideals and even less so to God's. We must stare into the glass and face these losses and missed opportunities. For a time we may be weighed by the burden of it all and acutely feel the sting of barrenness that is left in its wake. 

We must not lose hope. God will fill the barren space with the life He chooses for us to birth. In patience and eager anticipation we must wait. In the meantime journey on side by side.

Sorry, Not an ATM

I've come to the conculsion that most people have lost the ability to have relationship, to even know what that is supposed to look like. Instead, we've become a culture with "interactions." We find it so much easier. Why shouldn't people be just like the machines we've come to rely on?

Our lives are so busy and we forget that we actually chose the things that fill up our time. Most of which aren't as important as we think they are at the time.

Genuine relationships... who has time for those??

But...

When we hit a bump in the road, we expect our so-called friends to be there. Yet, we treat them like an ATM machine... drive up, make a withdrawl and drive away. We don't even have to have an active account at the bank and we just expect the ATM to provide and not expect anything in return.

The next generation is sufferring from getting just the drive-thru version of their parents. The sad thing is, they don't even know anymore that it could be different. That it should be different!  The parents themselves don't even have relationship with each other, because they never took the time to really build one... they just "fell in love."

My heart aches for us all. I believe God's heart aches even more. This isn't the example Jesus left us.

I know my words here aren't going to change anything or anyone (cause we're really good at denial and justifying our actions). I still feel it's good for me to tell you -

I am not an ATM.
I am a person with worth who desires to love and be loved.