Mirror, Mirror

To my mirror self,
You are sometimes deceiving and sometimes gracious. How can you ever be trusted? There was a time when you seemed to be constantly cruel to my fragile esteem. Either you have changed or I have changed… or both of us have. Thank you for allowing me to see the beauty in me and leaving me enough humility to still know it even when you don’t show it to me.

Unspoken

You have been one of my closest friends for many years and yet lately there have been important things happening in my life that I have kept from you. I can tell you sense that gap, but aren’t quite sure what to make of it. My fear in telling you is not that you won’t continue to be my friend, love me and encourage me, but that you won’t understand and it will frustrate us both. Sometimes I have a hard time even looking you in the eyes for fear you might figure it all out and bluntly ask me. Even then, I’m not sure I would be able to speak the truth but you would know. You know me too well.

She's a Butterfly

I tried to come up with someone else to write this letter to. I had several possibilities, but even second place seemed to be far cry from the impact you’ve had on my life. (Well, technically Jesus is at the very top but He gets letters from me every day) The way we found each other seems miraculous. How we’ve managed to become so close, so quickly, even living a thousand miles apart is amazing too. You brought hope and love into my life when it was fading. You boost my confidence, challenge my comfortability, serve me humility when needed (often) and are a living example of faith. Because of you , I am returning to Africa where I believe I will once again be changed.

Airplane Friends

Sometimes sitting by yourself on an airplane isn’t fun and usually I just keep to myself and bury my face in a book. I was supposed to be sitting next to my dad, but since my sister had missed her earlier flight and spent all day in the airport and got on our flight standby to fly the rest of the way home in the morning (deep breath) I agreed to take her seat alone and let her sit with my dad. I don’t know how or why I ended up explaining all this to you. Maybe we were just discussing the delays at the airport that seemed to have no reason. Then we continued on to talk about the trips we were headed home from and you even shared the snacks you had packed with me. I figured that part was God’s blessing for being willing to sit by myself. Anyways, thanks for ending a long, stressful day on a good note.

Promises, Promises

I don’t know that we ever made any of our promises official “pinky promises,” we were more of the “cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in my eye” type. (ahhh… maybe that’s when it started….) Kidding aside, those days seem like they belong to a different person; the memories more like a dream than my past reality. Those hopeful promises of being friends forever and not sharing secrets… well turns out we were good at keeping our promises.

A time to heal

I heard about your news from a friend. I can’t imagine the mental adjustment you have had to face. As the physical begins to change and finding a new normal takes its course, I will be praying for you. Praying for your health, and your family… but also that this would be a catalyst for reconciliation and healing in damaged relationships. You will need to rely on others a bit more now. I know you are in God’s hands and they will carry you through this time.

Clicky-hugs

My sweet El-bell…

My heart smiles when I remember days of your exuberant whistles, seeming smile, and freckled belly. So many fun moments of joy were spent with you. My favorite ones were the quiet moments. The times when it was my job to keep your lively spirit quiet without boring and losing your interest. I would try and count the freckles on your belly and you would pretend to laugh. I would lie across the tank wall, like we were both sunbathing and sing. Your 2 favorites seemed to be ‘You are my Sunshine’ and ‘Over the Rainbow.’ As I sang, you would quietly whistle along. One of the senior trainers even commented to me one day that she had never seen anything like that. It was our special thing. The best though was being rewarded with one of your infamous clicky-hugs.