Friday, April 30, 2010

She's coming!

Unless the world ends or something in the next couple days.

Am I excited?
You bet!

Am I a little scared?

Often, we want so desperately for someone to enter into our life bubble, have them understand us on a mundane, daily existance sort of way. But letting someone in the bubble can be hard sometimes... a little vulnerable. They see how you fold your towels and where you put your dirty clothes... whether you floss your teeth every day. You know they will love you regardless, but it doesn't always ease your mind.

Once she's here, none of that will matter. God's got great plans. I know. But for the next couple days, I'll be a little anxious.

And to my co-workers who have to put up with more than most people: I am sorry in advance for my lack of concentration, extreme giddiness and non-stop chatter. I'll try and keep it professional.

And to my friend: Safe travels and get here SOON!!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

What a Blessed Gift

Some of know about the two kids who have always been very special to me for many years. I had been honored to spend a significant amount of time living life with them, loving them, letting them love on me. Their family became my family and it seems like nothing could ever change that.

But something did a little over 3 years ago and I have had no contact with either one. It broke my heart because I missed them and I didn't know if they understood that I didn't just stop caring about them. I cried many tears feeling like my own children had been taken from me.

But God is ever gracious and faithful and this past week, I have had the wonderful gift of restored communication with my sweet Abi. She's older now and much taller, but her memories are in place and I get the sense that her heart is the same and still loves me just as much.

I am hoping to restore communication with her brother as well, but as a teen... he might be too cool for me right now.

I don't know what the future holds for this or whether it is for a season or long lasting. I'm letting God direct and just enjoying the little things each day. Like her sweet heart and knowing she remembers us watching sunsets together as our special thing.

Thank you God for this wonderful, unexpected gift.

And thank you Abi for emailing me and making my heart smile so wide it cracked my ribs ;)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Strange week to something new

It's been a strange week.

I don't even know how to put it into words. In fact, I've had a significant lack of words all around. All the landmarks I was using to tell my bearings are hidden and I've felt adrift. And yet, I know God is still very close and working on my life.

One thing this week has taught me is that I still have a long way to go. Put under enough pressure the steam will expose the cracks.

Sometimes it's just easier to shut down completely. Take a time out from life for a bit. I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as it's temporary. But what if getting going again feels like groping in the dark for the light switch and so far you aren't having any luck?

Today started out quite cold. There was frost on the car (my sister had 3" of snow!) but it turned into a beautiful warm spring day with a bit of a breeze. I decided to go for run... it was needed. There is just something about it that allows me to clear my head and outrun all the things chasing in my mind. I stopped halfway through, laid in the sun and prayed. And now I find myself here... albeit rambling a bit, but at least talking.

The best part... you can start anew any minute.

Right now just might start something new.