Friday, September 30, 2011
You are sometimes deceiving and sometimes gracious. How can you ever be trusted? There was a time when you seemed to be constantly cruel to my fragile esteem. Either you have changed or I have changed… or both of us have. Thank you for allowing me to see the beauty in me and leaving me enough humility to still know it even when you don’t show it to me.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
My heart smiles when I remember days of your exuberant whistles, seeming smile, and freckled belly. So many fun moments of joy were spent with you. My favorite ones were the quiet moments. The times when it was my job to keep your lively spirit quiet without boring and losing your interest. I would try and count the freckles on your belly and you would pretend to laugh. I would lie across the tank wall, like we were both sunbathing and sing. Your 2 favorites seemed to be ‘You are my Sunshine’ and ‘Over the Rainbow.’ As I sang, you would quietly whistle along. One of the senior trainers even commented to me one day that she had never seen anything like that. It was our special thing. The best though was being rewarded with one of your infamous clicky-hugs.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
My first impression of you left me wanting to walk to the housing office and beg to be given a different room. But instead, I was simply grateful that you weren’t my roommate. You were loud, obnoxious, and suffocating just in the first half-hour and it didn’t seem to get any better from there. You appeared to have no consideration for anyone at all. I wanted to hide from you but it rarely worked. Over time… quite a bit of time actually… I began to feel differently about you. What I came to find out is that you have an amazing ability to love, despite it being over bearing at times. When no one else thought to help make sure the little things in my life were taken care of – you did. You made sure I knew that someone cared. You spent the night at the hospital with me looking over my mom (and even talked me into being a little silly and ride chairs down the hallway). So glad that the first impression wasn’t my last.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Broken hearts are hard to heal. There is no band-aid you can slap on it and wait a day or two while the wound recovers. Too often the scars are carried for life, and sometimes those scars have names and sometimes they just are nameless faces and statistics. To the millions of orphaned children in Africa, you have broken my heart but you have strengthened my spirit. While I weep for your tender faces, your tiny frames, your hungry bellies, and your forgotten existence, I pray that the God who knows your name will carve them as scars on my heart so that I may carry you with me. Out of my broken heart I will use my words for you that others’ hearts may be broken also. As long as even 1 of you is alone and scared, my heart cannot and must not heal.
Monday, September 19, 2011
You believe with such abandoned faith that even the darkest of circumstances don’t dampen your spirits. You live so sure of the Father’s love and good care, whereas I must continually struggle to push aside fears and doubts. While I crave control, you throw caution to the wind and follow the slightest whisper of Him who knows your every step regardless of the outcome and the chance you might look foolish. You aren’t afraid to try anything even if you might fail. Oh… how you love… you love with no concern for yourself, expecting nothing in return. Your love is open to blessings and hurt because you know the Healer will care for any wounds you may sustain. I wish I were more like you.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
In the years since you’ve no longer been a daily part of my life, you’ve grown up, found new talents and passions, and even struggled through some very hard things. Throughout the silent years, I missed you – I want you to know that and never doubt it. Every birthday I thought of you and on so many more occasions as well. Some days it even made me cry, but how do you explain the loss of children that aren’t really yours.
I’m glad for the chance to reconnect with you; for us to have another sunset date sharing memories while creating new ones, Abi. And to reach out and have you open up and share you heart with me, Aaron. Still, the physical distance and the circumstances of life won’t give me back the closeness I once had and always miss.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I hope you are happy and still pursuing your dream of becoming a doctor. I know how gifted and determined you were. I hope you are seeing and understanding more of God’s hand in your life. Your strength, mind and heart in His hands will accomplish many mighty miraculous things.
Last time I heard from you, you were possibly getting married but I couldn’t tell if it was something you really wanted or not. Either way, I pray you are content. I have no idea if you are still in the States or Cameroon. I think of you often, especially now as I am soon to be headed to West Africa, a place I thought I would have first visited with you. I pray your mother’s health is holding up and your sister’s baby is growing up healthy and well cared for. The season of friendship you gave me was truly a gift and I am thankful to God for crossing our paths and I pray he crosses them again someday.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
To anyone I may not have had the opportunity to apologize to, I am sorry that I hurt you and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
As I am preparing to travel to another country soon, your book reminded me that listening is the most important gift I can take with me. Everyone has a story and as we listen to others, the stories begin to intertwine into one story of humankind. I can’t explain what I felt reading, but by the end of the book I was different. I am inspired by your courage. Thank you for the gift of intertwining your story with mine.
More photos can be seen here.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
After I wrote this letter, I briefly considered writing a letter to the dreams that I have while sleeping. They are usually intense, detailed and bizarre. But I couldn't think of anything more to say to them than "Really!?!"
I really liked the idea, as I like to write as well. I am not sure I have the dedication to write & post them all. I already had to play catch up on the first 6 days!
So... here we go...
My Josh-y, if only you had known I was alive perhaps we could have made beautiful music together. I have loved you since that episode of Ally McBeal when I knew I would marry you in a heartbeat. Crush… obsession… same thing, right? Although there was that blip in my admiration when you foolishly dated Katy Perry. I have held the flame as long as I can, but you have lost out. I can only pray that someday the regret of missing out on me won’t catch up to you.