What do you do when you get to the point you feel you have absolutely nothing left to give? All you want to do is crawl into bed and sleep numbly for just a couple hours. But even there... there is no rest. You are tortured by nightmares, flashbacks, and should-have-beens that play unsupervised in your mind. Where do you go?
When I get there... I go running. Out there I can usually hear God a little clearer.
I'm running. I'm angry. I am so angry I am saying the "f" word in my head (sorry Jesus) and wanting to kick or punch a tree (don't worry I didn't). Running... running.... I hear nothing.
I look up to the clouds and think, "The heavens are as steely as the clouds today. Guess God has nothing to say to me today." Then I hear, "Where are you running?"
"I don't know"
"Tia. What are you running to?"
"I said - I.DON'T.KNOW!"
"Do you have a destination? Or are you just running from something?"
(I ponder... a little humbler now)
"If you don't know where you are running TO, you will never be able to stop running. Run into my arms."
"But daddy, something keeps pulling me out of them."
"Keep your eyes on the finish line. You will find rest."
At this point, I turn around and start running back. Just when you think you got nothing left again.... God runs up along side you. (Ok... so I'm pretty sure the guy wasn't really God. But God was making a point) He says, "That was a good pace. Keep it up."
"I'm running out of steam."
"Come on. You just started. I'm on mile 8." He encourages you keep going.
Then for the next little bit we run side by side. "How long you been running?"
"I've been doing this 25. Take a really big deep breathe every now and again you feel a lot better." He reminds you, you are still learning. He's been at this a long time.
He gets you through the middle and then runs on ahead to meet you when you cross the finish line. Into his arms and find your rest.
Life is always moving. We can't stop it. We are in constant motion with it. Do you know your destination?