Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Where Are You Running To?

What do you do when you get to the point you feel you have absolutely nothing left to give? All you want to do is crawl into bed and sleep numbly for just a couple hours. But even there... there is no rest. You are tortured by nightmares, flashbacks, and should-have-beens that play unsupervised in your mind. Where do you go?

When I get there... I go running. Out there I can usually hear God a little clearer.

I'm running. I'm angry. I am so angry I am saying the "f" word in my head (sorry Jesus) and wanting to kick or punch a tree (don't worry I didn't). Running... running.... I hear nothing.

I look up to the clouds and think, "The heavens are as steely as the clouds today. Guess God has nothing to say to me today." Then I hear, "Where are you running?"

"I don't know"

"Tia. What are you running to?"

"I said - I.DON'T.KNOW!"

"Do you have a destination? Or are you just running from something?"

(I ponder... a little humbler now)

"If you don't know where you are running TO, you will never be able to stop running. Run into my arms."

"But daddy, something keeps pulling me out of them."

"Keep your eyes on the finish line. You will find rest."

At this point, I turn around and start running back. Just when you think you got nothing left again.... God runs up along side you. (Ok... so I'm pretty sure the guy wasn't really God. But God was making a point) He says, "That was a good pace. Keep it up."

"I'm running out of steam."

"Come on. You just started. I'm on mile 8." He encourages you keep going.

Then for the next little bit we run side by side. "How long you been running?"

"2 years."

"I've been doing this 25. Take a really big deep breathe every now and again you feel a lot better." He reminds you, you are still learning. He's been at this a long time.

He gets you through the middle and then runs on ahead to meet you when you cross the finish line. Into his arms and find your rest.

Life is always moving. We can't stop it. We are in constant motion with it. Do you know your destination?


JD said...

What do I do when I get to the point I feel I have absolutely nothing left to give? I wish my answer was "run", but it's gardening... something therapeutic about the knees hittin' the dirt and meeting God where life grows.

I typed "Go, run, run straight to Him" two or three times on MSN when you said you were going running, but I erased it, re-typed it, erased it, typed it again, and in the end decided that He was with you already, that you would run and see Him there, find Him there... and you did.

It's true, we either run to or from something... and getting to the root of the destination helps us avoid dead ends.

How like God to send someone to run by your side, to remind you that He is also by your side every step of the way... that He's been there before, and sent His Son ahead of you in this journey. To keep breathing deep and staying focused on Him. He knew that would speak your language...

Do I know my destination? Home, definitely Home. He's running along beside me as well... I'm sprinting to the finish line, not giving up until I am in His arms either.

Don't give up.

JD said...

(Oops -- meant Email, not MSN)

Courtney said...

I love you. I don't have many words, but thank you.