As I take in this blessed Easter weekend reflecting on the gift of my salvation and the season of death I am coming out of and emerging into a new beginning, I recalled this post from several years ago. It was written for very different circumstances and yet it is so fitting for right now - these circumstances. While my heart is deeply bruised with overwhelming loss, I was preciously reminded this morning that "a bruised reed He will not break."
I hope perhaps it will be a reminder and comfort to someone else at this time too.
I cannot attest to the increasing heaviness of carrying life within me, or to the weight of eager anticipation. Neither can I remotely imagine coming home empty-handed and deflated in every way imaginable. But I have born the pain of loss. We all do in some way, shape or form. Our hearts grieve what was looked upon with hope yet was left buried in a grave not of our choosing. We are humans after all. Intricately designed to feel, even beyond the extremes we think we are capable of at times. Sometimes grief throws itself on us like a dark heavy blanket we can't seem to get out from underneath. It feels suffocating and the struggle saps our energy to nothingness. It is a heavy load to carry, this loss. I know it well - back bent, arms sore and legs weak from the long journey. But it was a load I was never meant to carry alone. It isn't a load any of us are meant to carry on our own.
Pain is an interesting thing. When divided it becomes exponentially lighter. Pain divided is love multiplied. This is what Jesus did in his ministry... He came along side those unable to stand up and lifted their head. Why wouldn't we want to love the same way? Your burden gets lighter and somehow mine doesn't get any heavier. It's lightened, too. We stand a little taller. We look up and feel the sun on our faces again instead of only staring at the shadows it casts.
Galatians 6:2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (NIV)
Without us, God will still be faithful. But the blessings of being joint carriers are immeasurable. Costly.... Yet eternally priceless.
We feeble humans all have times in our lives when we face the mirror, seeing what mettle we are really made of. It could be anything. It may even come unexpectedly. The measuring tape comes out and we are so minutely aware that we do not measure up to our own ideals and even less so to God's. We must stare into the glass and face these losses and missed opportunities. For a time we may be weighed by the burden of it all and acutely feel the sting of barrenness that is left in its wake.
We must not lose hope. God will fill the barren space with the life He chooses for us to birth. In patience and eager anticipation we must wait. In the meantime journey on side by side.