I conquered a couple things recently.
Awhile ago a friend of mine started a prayer room that is open on Thursdays. When there isn't live music they simply play music. From the beginning, I was invited to come with my guitar and play. A few weeks ago I finally took the time to ask about scheduling a time. So this past Thursday found me packing my guitar, feeling good and not nervous at all. I even played an original song. There were only a few people there, but I really never even noticed them. There were a couple issues and distractions, but I think I have learned something from them - like I don't want someone I've never played with trying to play with me by looking over my shoulder. When I got home I emailed a friend who leads worship for a living to get her perspective on it, which really helped me understand that the only thing that matters is the place my heart is at. It is something I want to do again soon. I like it much better than feeling like I have to "entertain" people.
On the heels of that wonderful experience, I got to drive to Fort Wayne to meet some very wonderful women. At least I think I was really there. Yeah, I was- otherwise I ate something strange and had the craziest dream... Before going I admit I was nervous, because I wanted to have a good time and be relaxed. Normally, in any group, and especially a group that I didn't know well, I take the backseat. I become the wallpaper who observes and rarely shares the thoughts in my head. And later as the memories are brought up, the one who isn't even remembered as being present. So I prayed for weeks leading up to this day that I would be able to just be myself. To stay engaged the entire time and to bring my own spice of love and light to the party.
Overall, that day I wasn't anxious at all. I think it helped me to be able to just meet Sheryl first and establish that one contact point first. God knew that's what I would need. It didn't even dawn on me until afterwards. I loved every one of them: Laurette, Ariane, Shelli and Sheryl, even the "flat" friends that came along for the ride. You guys were a little quiet, but it was fun having you there too. It felt like we had been hanging out our whole lives. Through the whole day (with the exception of one small 5 min period) I was there participating - laughing and loving and sharing me. It was the best compliment to hear I was the same in person as I was online because that was what I was praying for. That I would be authentic. Really I couldn't have asked for a better experience.
Then I got sick and have been home on the couch for 3 days in a row now. I'm just so thankful it held off. Or maybe I'm just allergic to fun and need to build up my tolerance a bit more :)
This Jill can't even find her box anymore.... I think it went to the dump!