Last night as I went to bed I kept thinking about a jack-in-the-box. It’s a strange thing to be thinking about right before bed, I know…
But, there I was lying in bed thinking about how Jack is trapped in that box – forced to listen to the same song over and over again – only 2 directions to go: up or down. It’s Jack’s daily routine and not much changes, unless the top gets stuck and now there is nowhere to go. It’s just quiet and dark. It doesn’t sound like much fun to me. More like the ultimate rut. And then we laugh when he pops his head up…we push him back down and do it all over again. Why? Maybe we laugh because otherwise we’d cry and recognize our lives are too close to the same thing. We relate too much to Jack.
Me – I know my life does. I’m too vanilla as someone told me recently.
I have my box – home, work, same stores, the same people day in and day out.
I have my song – the way I like things to be done, the order, the rhythm of my life
And I have my movements – I go up in mood when things are good. I hide when things get hard.
Oh, I may change the color of my box on occasion or maybe move my box to slightly different location – but rare used to be the occasion when I actually got out of the box.
It’s changing…I’m learning to trust that voice inside that prompts me to do crazy things even if I think it might make me look silly.
This week there was a whisper…. Just mention it. “No”, I said. “It’s not my place and it seems a little presumptuous.”
He said, “I’m giving you an opportunity if you want to get out of that hole for a while, but it will take some courage.”
I take a deep breath and offer myself without box in tow. There are moments of silence and I think what have I done. Do I look childish? Needy? What if the answer is no? Will I be hurt or relieved? What if the answer is yes? Oh… what if yes is worse?
He says, “The answers don’t matter, only that you were willing.”
Outside the box is new. The ground feels a bit unsteady at times.
The answer was yes. I’m so excited for my God-blessed afternoon this coming weekend. If I had chosen the box instead – probably would not have smiled nearly as much this week. And even worse, I would be preventing someone else from receiving the blessing, too.
I know you must be thinking she’s done gone off the deep end for good. Guess what? I have! I’ve jumped up out and off the edge and am going to try living life in freefall. It’s adventure and excitement. It’s about becoming more like rainbow sherbet.
Sorry Jack. This Jill is moving out.