Thursday, October 1, 2009


October. Time for change. Leaves change. Climates change (I woke up to frost this morning). For some of us, our clothing changes. We stow away the sunscreen scented shorts and t-shirts to make room for heavier, warmer wear. A season for hibernation and death.

Lately, I’ve been in a personal season of change.

While I love pulling out clothes from last year and rediscovering them (Oh I forgot I had that), pulling out those storage boxes of the past is a much different experience. It’s not one I would choose.

But God is doing some housekeeping work. He’s in my closet uncovering things I’d forgotten about. Things I didn’t want to remember. I can only stand there and watch. It hurts at time. I feel shame and embarrassment. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. I ask Him “Why? Why are you doing this? Why does it hurt so much?” He keeps on cleaning, but says ,“I’m cleaning out the old to make room for the new. You want new don’t you?”

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of our old stuff, even if we don’t wear it anymore and it doesn’t fit. We like knowing it’s there – neatly folded in the bottom of that box in the back covered in dust. Or maybe even hanging there right in front of our face everyday. It’s there… just in case.

I want it. The cleaning. But not the pain. Not the sense of loosing my grip and staring into a gaping emptiness with only trust and hope that it will be filled with something.

It’s fall and things must change.


Broken said...

I will walk with you hand in hand through this season of change. You are loved.

Lauresa said...

I am walking with you. (and, you as well, Courtney.)...I have no words, really....just my hand.


michelehgtc said...

You are so profound sometimes! I am here cleaning too. I don't like it!

JD said...

Oh Tia, this spoke to deeply to my heart. I felt every word of this post, it resonated with me, the tears came so close... so close. You are loved, and not alone as you face this.

Remember the broken glass references in both of our blogs, this is another one of those "coincidences".

Your blog, to me, is like Crazy Love. So deep, so rich, so beautiful, I need to soak it in slowly, getting to know you more with each post. I love it, I really love it.