Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sometimes I find myself wandering in the woods and I have no idea what prompted me to come other than a need to be out and to be alone. Well not alone entirely. God is always with me. I hear his voice in the rustling branches or the scurry of a chipmunk in the underbrush. Today, it’s a slow pace without awareness of steps or time. The silence is loud and echoes in between my foot stamped snow crunches. I watch my breath. Smokey fog of exhale quickly dissipates until replaced again. I wonder if I stare deep enough could I perhaps see a drop crystallize into a snowflake mid-air before my eyes. Disjointed thoughts pass in and through my mind. A thought settles for a moment and soon I realize I am no longer thinking about anything. There is emptiness of thought and fullness of just being. This is a time of cherishing the betweens. I can no longer feel my fingertips. My nose is numb and dripping. Logic tells me I should seek the warmth of home and yet my heart urges, aches even to walk on. To not relinquish this time too quickly. The cold acts as a preservative for this blanket of peace. It’s a waiting time… an advent. This quietness of soul is like a long forgotten melody, once cherished and now remembered. I look up at snow-heavy clouds, their edges silvered by the hidden sun and I smile. It comes up from the soles of my feet and bursts forth without reason. I am known. I am blessed. My souls hearth is warmed by joy. I spin around like a little girl showing off her “twirl-y” new dress and a small giggle escapes to be quickly swallowed up by the stillness. I have followed the whisper in the wind here. It leads and I blindly follow as if my feet alone know in what direction they are heading. The unimportants have long since been left carelessly strewn along the trodden path. The weighted remainder has settled. My present is simply a place between here and there. I reach out as my palm collects the falling snow. I marvel that I am just as it is, dust and water in unique formation. Brief, beautiful and individual. Now, even I am still. I wait. I breathe. I listen. Humanness intervenes. Heavy legs and frozen ears call me back from the edges of eternity. The wind pushes me homeward. There is a desire to stay in this place, to wander till I touch the horizon. But I know the value of here is only in the betweens.